Late night thoughts

"Late night thoughts" is how people would phrase it, but yeah, it is one of those nights.

If you were to pick up an axe and hack my thick skull wide open, you will probably find a time-bomb labelled "Emotional" in it. It can be triggered by any trivial event or at times, just a cold and quiet night will be sufficient to detonate this bomb.

All in all, I do not favor nor do I detest this part of me. It's no secret that I'm sensitive in character, to the extreme where people would doubt my gender, but no, I do not loathe this part of me. 

Well, it's one of those nights. The sudden realization that I am 19 years old now daunts me. I'm 19 years old already. Questions and wonders piled up at the instant of the realization. Have I done enough so far? Am I doing well? Am I behaving like a 19 years old? The fact that I'm currently undertaking my law degree that would define my future only further complicates my thoughts and honestly, I'm terrified. Am I good enough for this?

It's one of those nights when I doubt my capability. I have big dreams, a big goal to score, but whether I have what it takes to run across the field and take the shot, that's another question. You know how every beginning of the year when you are about to set some new year resolutions, there will always be two voices in your head? 

" You can do it, this time for sure." 
" Are you kidding me? Remember how long it lasted last year, or the year before?" 

Well, it's exactly like that right now. These contradicting thoughts are waging war and if I ever let my guard down, the latter thought will prevail.

It's one of those nights when I'm vulnerable and needed to put down my thoughts somewhere. You don't always get to be weak you see... the society, the people, they expect you to be strong, emotionless and you will have to be, because it is how it is.

It's one of those nights when you break down just to bounce back up 10 times harder. 

-Kenneth

Disconnect to connect

Deactivating my twitter account is the first thing that came in to my mind as one of the many things I wish to do in the year of 2014, and now that I have done it, it feels really good heh. Well of course I have my reasons, hear me out!

Ever since I got addicted to twitter, I've realized that it sort of became a part of my life and it's not healthy, every twitter user knows that, or so I believe. What I'm trying to say is that this addiction has got me by the tail, I started tweeting more and more, one after another, updating my status almost every second I could. The matter only got worse when foursquare came in and made a link with twitter, the next thing I know, I'm constantly scrolling my thumbs up and down to get a hold of my friends' status.

I didn't like that feeling, to be honest. Yes, it is a conventional, old-school thinking, but as these status-updating social website starting to take over our connection with our friends and family, I began to appreciate its absence. Because of the habit of constantly updating our status, we have lost the thirst to pay some effort in connecting with people. Think about it, when was the last time you actually call someone up to ask how they are doing instead of checking on their facebook/ twitter/ instagram/ foursquare? Well I don't remember doing so, but I want and will do so, that's in my bucket list of 2014, to start connecting with friends and family, better. 

Aside from the part about connecting with others, I'm also doing this to connect with myself better. I'm aware of how weird this sounds, but I feel like I'm disconnecting with myself ever since the addiction. The more I tweet, the more I find myself talking, and only talking. I began to declare my dreams here and there, my goals, it's not a bad thing, but the more I'm doing it, the more it became just a talk with nothing done, and that didn't feel right. See, the more you are caught up finding words to impress people of what you are doing, the less you actually start doing shits about it, and as the saying goes, work hard in silence, let success make the noise, the last thing I want to become is another keyboard warrior on the internet, so for the sake of it, Imma talk less, and do more. Well, that's in my 2014 bucket list as well!

Well these are all just my two cents, and for that, I shall disconnect to connect again but hey I'm still alive alright, call me up if you are wondering how I'm doing, I'll do the same, till then, take care!

-Kenneth