The Perfect Fit.

You're not at where you're supposed to be.

Think of a puzzle of the biggest size you can possibly imagine. Now, look into the pieces of this puzzle in detail. They are unique, aren't they? Each and every one of them.

That's us. You and me.

The coolest thing that I find about a puzzle is that nothing fills the space but the piece made to fit in it, no matter how hard you try, you can't force a piece that doesn't belong. The problem with these pieces, however, is when we try to force them into places they are not made for, their edges get crumpled and their shapes are ruined, then finally, they can never fit in the puzzle anymore. You do realize I'm not just talking about puzzles here, right?

This is happening around us at this very moment. 

We try too hard to fit in. Condemned by the norm of the society, we are all bound by the fear to be different, to stand out. Eventually, we set foot in the comfort zone where we believe it would be the "safest" and we begin to settle down, undermining our actual capability, because They say it's the best choice for us. It's as if we are so hurried to jam all the pieces together because we can't wait to solve the puzzle then later on finding ourselves lost, failing to complete the bigger picture. 

Seriously, what's the rush?

Don't settle for second best. Even if it's close to filling the space, don't force yourself into settling for something that is not what you have always wanted. Be it education, work, circle of friends or even relationships, don't settle just because it's almost a perfect fit. You know when it doesn't fit, don't compromise or give in, do something about it.

If there's some part of you that wavers right now, hold on to it. There's a perfect fit for everything out there, you just gotta hang on.

Zephyr

"So what is it about her that you are so in love with, Zephyr?" asked Faraday.

"Huh, what do you mean? Where did that come from? " I was surprised by his question that came outta no where. Surely he had been waiting for quite some time to drop the bomb, I guess he took the chances when Thalia left to the washroom.

"You know exactly what I meant. You are CLEARLY in love with her man, spill the beans already!" he hollered.

"Is it that obvious?" I chuckled. "Well, fair enough. I am in love with her, but do I really need a reason for that?"

As if he was surprised by my honesty, Faraday took a step back dramatically and grinned right after recovering from his "shock" state. "Of course you do, everyone is in love with someone for a reason! John is in love with Priscilla because she was his childhood friend, dear old Cinna is in love with Mike because he's in the basketball team, it has got to be a reason! So really, what's yours?"

"Fine...let me try." I closed my eyes and recalled everything about Thalia, every moment that we both shared and every words that she said now and then. I took my time to dig into my memories for an answer to Faraday's question.

"I don't know man, I really don't. If it has to be that one thing that I can name you right now, I guess I have none... It's everything about her. I love her presence, it's comforting, though she's never good in finding the right words to say or the right thing to do, but I just love that about her." I said whatever came into my mind.
"I'm a man who has been into many relationships, Faraday, you know that. But for the first time ever, I'm taking my time on a girl and I guess it's because I want her to have the best of everything. I have never been so desperate to see a girl's smile or laugh or even grin at anything at all, even if it has nothing to do with me. I have never wanted to make someone feel happy this badly before, and I wish I could have done more to take away whatever that saddens her."
"I am feeling lots, and lots of things that I have never felt before. So am I in love, Faraday? Yes I am, but I couldn't tell you with what, because that's all I'm feeling right now and if it's not love, I don't know what it is. She deserves to be happy, to be hugged and kissed every second, every minute in everyday, and I wish I could give her all that." I stopped, because I knew I have said more than my emotions can handle.

Faraday seemed to be surprised by my answer, guess I couldn't blame him for that cause I didn't expect this either. "Even if it's not mutual?" he asked with hesitancy.

"Even if it's not mutual." I smiled.

Glad

"Do you remember when.."

I believe you must have came across these moments as well. Just a couple of friends going out for a tea or what we would call "yumchar session" over here, and without any pre-planning, someone drops that question and the next thing you know, all of you are walking down the memory lane. From college to high school, and from high school all the way back to elementary school. The dramas, the fights, the times of our lives at that point of time. 

This isn't another emotional post of mine, worry not. It's just one of those moments when you are truly thankful of some occurence and as of now, I'm just glad that it happened, that's all.

I guess by the end of the day, nothing will ever be lost as long as we remember it. 

Hey, do you remember when was the last time you actually caught up with your friends? 

Well, I do. :) 

-Kenneth

5.33 a.m.

It's 5.33 a.m. here in Taiwan. 

I'm currently on a family trip and there's no justification as to what leads to this post.

Maybe it's for the fact that the trip is about to come to an end and I'll be on my way home, or maybe it's something else.

It's funny, how I have begun to grow sick of this place and feeling terribly homesick, but there's just something back home that makes me want to stay away, kind of want to stay on a trip for a long, long time.

Three of my friends are leaving to Australia to further their studies in less than 2 weeks time. The thought of it really saddens me. You see, they are not just any friends, but the ones who have always been around. Bryan, who has been my best buddy since high school. Bobby, who has been my close friend for 13 years and Brian, who I've been seeing almost everyday for the past few years. It's not going to be the same without them. No one likes changes, and certainly neither do I.

Then it hits me. It's not just them who will be leaving. Few years down the road, everyone will be leaving this circle, even I myself, will be flying to UK. There's just no stopping to this, because we all gotta move on somehow, and there's no promise that we will ever find something like this again. We can look back, smile, laugh, joke about the times we used to have, but one thing for sure, we can never relive those moments. So have I treasured those times enough to bid farewell? 

Up to this point, you probably be laughing at this silly post. "Come on, this is just part and parcel of life."

I know, believe me I do, but all I'm saying is this part of life is really a pain in the ass, a pain in the heart.

I can never be good with farewells, I guess this is the part they tried to warn me about growing up. 

-Kenneth

Late night thoughts

"Late night thoughts" is how people would phrase it, but yeah, it is one of those nights.

If you were to pick up an axe and hack my thick skull wide open, you will probably find a time-bomb labelled "Emotional" in it. It can be triggered by any trivial event or at times, just a cold and quiet night will be sufficient to detonate this bomb.

All in all, I do not favor nor do I detest this part of me. It's no secret that I'm sensitive in character, to the extreme where people would doubt my gender, but no, I do not loathe this part of me. 

Well, it's one of those nights. The sudden realization that I am 19 years old now daunts me. I'm 19 years old already. Questions and wonders piled up at the instant of the realization. Have I done enough so far? Am I doing well? Am I behaving like a 19 years old? The fact that I'm currently undertaking my law degree that would define my future only further complicates my thoughts and honestly, I'm terrified. Am I good enough for this?

It's one of those nights when I doubt my capability. I have big dreams, a big goal to score, but whether I have what it takes to run across the field and take the shot, that's another question. You know how every beginning of the year when you are about to set some new year resolutions, there will always be two voices in your head? 

" You can do it, this time for sure." 
" Are you kidding me? Remember how long it lasted last year, or the year before?" 

Well, it's exactly like that right now. These contradicting thoughts are waging war and if I ever let my guard down, the latter thought will prevail.

It's one of those nights when I'm vulnerable and needed to put down my thoughts somewhere. You don't always get to be weak you see... the society, the people, they expect you to be strong, emotionless and you will have to be, because it is how it is.

It's one of those nights when you break down just to bounce back up 10 times harder. 

-Kenneth

Disconnect to connect

Deactivating my twitter account is the first thing that came in to my mind as one of the many things I wish to do in the year of 2014, and now that I have done it, it feels really good heh. Well of course I have my reasons, hear me out!

Ever since I got addicted to twitter, I've realized that it sort of became a part of my life and it's not healthy, every twitter user knows that, or so I believe. What I'm trying to say is that this addiction has got me by the tail, I started tweeting more and more, one after another, updating my status almost every second I could. The matter only got worse when foursquare came in and made a link with twitter, the next thing I know, I'm constantly scrolling my thumbs up and down to get a hold of my friends' status.

I didn't like that feeling, to be honest. Yes, it is a conventional, old-school thinking, but as these status-updating social website starting to take over our connection with our friends and family, I began to appreciate its absence. Because of the habit of constantly updating our status, we have lost the thirst to pay some effort in connecting with people. Think about it, when was the last time you actually call someone up to ask how they are doing instead of checking on their facebook/ twitter/ instagram/ foursquare? Well I don't remember doing so, but I want and will do so, that's in my bucket list of 2014, to start connecting with friends and family, better. 

Aside from the part about connecting with others, I'm also doing this to connect with myself better. I'm aware of how weird this sounds, but I feel like I'm disconnecting with myself ever since the addiction. The more I tweet, the more I find myself talking, and only talking. I began to declare my dreams here and there, my goals, it's not a bad thing, but the more I'm doing it, the more it became just a talk with nothing done, and that didn't feel right. See, the more you are caught up finding words to impress people of what you are doing, the less you actually start doing shits about it, and as the saying goes, work hard in silence, let success make the noise, the last thing I want to become is another keyboard warrior on the internet, so for the sake of it, Imma talk less, and do more. Well, that's in my 2014 bucket list as well!

Well these are all just my two cents, and for that, I shall disconnect to connect again but hey I'm still alive alright, call me up if you are wondering how I'm doing, I'll do the same, till then, take care!

-Kenneth